Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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