I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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