I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
