This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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