I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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