I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
