All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
