There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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