Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
