he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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