he wants to bone in the snuggie
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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