it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
