Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
