You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize