did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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