I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
