the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
