We're like a lot better than the average bears
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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