Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
