it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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