After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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