So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize