R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
