theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
