i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
