I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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