Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
