well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
