Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
