Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
