I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
