so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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