2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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