wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
