I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
