If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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