I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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