i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
