i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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