i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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