and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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