you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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