a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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