We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
