the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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