What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
