I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
