Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
