im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
