so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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