Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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