You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
