I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
