Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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