honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
