I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
