Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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