I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize