so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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