Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
