Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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