I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
