if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
