Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
