He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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