I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
