Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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