I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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