i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
