it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
