Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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