my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
