Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
