dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
