Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
