even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
