I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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