drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
