$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
