So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
