Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
