I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
