That's intense
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
