Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
