holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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