My room smells like vodka and shame
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
