worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
