everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
