I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No stitches, just platelets and will power
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
