i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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