I just threw up on my dentist
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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