Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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