gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
