she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
why do cheetos always look like penises
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize