how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
