Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize