if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
