I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
