Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
