So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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