Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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