you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
