I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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